At some point, you probably thought that dating in your 20s is the trickiest phase of life, given the rage of hormones and longing for independence. But now that you’re here post-divorce, with no raging hormones, only overly talkative kids, you’re most likely taking that back.
It’s tough to get back into the dating scene after a marital breakdown. It’s even harder to make relationships work. If ever you’ve tried a hundred times and failed miserably at navigating post-divorce romance, these may be the likely reasons:
1. You’re not yet ready.
It’s possible that you still have hang-ups from your ex or from the divorce process itself. You’re probably still hoping that you and your former partner will be together, even after the lengthy court battle. Or you’re probably bitter at how the court proceeding turned out that you felt betrayed and ridiculed by your spouse.
Look within and see what emotional baggage you’re still dragging. That’s the only way you can be at peace, and eventually be ready for this new chapter in life. Remember that there’s no definite timeline for healing after the divorce.
You don’t have to be pressured at being okay in the span of 3, four years. Take your time. But at the same time, be proactive. Take intentional steps in finally accepting that your relationship with your ex is over. Try new things on your own. Embrace the possibility of new love bit by bit.
If you weren’t happy about how your divorce went, for instance in how your child custody is arranged, go for an appeal. According to a divorce attorney in Colorado Springs, an appeal may be granted when there’s erroneous admission of evidence or misinterpretation of the law.
Talk to an experienced lawyer if you feel iffy about the court’s orders. By taking proactive steps towards closure, you’ll be more ready in your post-divorce relationships.
2. You have misguided expectations.
Usually, when you get out of a divorce, your expectations about relationships change. For one, you may have rose-colored glasses, believing that every guy or woman you go on a date with will be far more good-looking, sexier, kinder, and romantic than your ex.
You feel that they’re going to be the one who will heal you, complete you, and make everything right again. This is dangerous because one, there’s no such person who’ll be able to do all these things for you, and two, once these high expectations aren’t met, you get heartbroken again.
In the rare event that everything seems perfect, you may feel that you don’t deserve all these good in your life, so you quit on this potential partner. On the flip side, you may have a low view of people you meet.
You think they’re going to do the same horrible things your ex did to you. You believe that at some point, they’re going to hurt you, cheat on you, or drag you to court once again for a nasty divorce.
3. You have self-esteem issues.
Even if you’ve had the most amicable divorce, it’s inevitable for this break-up to cause a dent on your mental and emotional health, specifically in how you perceive yourself. This can range from feeling that you’re not attractive enough to be dateable anymore to think that you’re never going to be loved again.
Before going into the dating scene again, address these issues first. Build up your confidence again by having a make-over or rediscovering yourself by traveling or connecting with old friends.
Focus on self-care this time. If you feel that you’re secure even without a partner in life, you know you were able to build yourself up successfully.
It’s tricky to deal with dating after divorce, let alone hold down a long-term relationship. Take all the time you need in grieving and making yourself better. Love will come around, eventually.